More Satire via The Blog of H. Jester Fieldstone
The most fun anyone has ever had reading a blog!
(Many people have said this.)
On the Curious Discovery That Oil Barons Do Not Enjoy Being Treated Like Oil
In the end, the oil may flow, the prices may crash, and the donors may lose fortunes. Still, keep in mind that the President retains what he prizes above all: attention, accolades, and an unwavering belief that any ridicule behind his back merely confirms his superiority
A Brief Account of Incentives, Illusions, and Other Modern Virtues
Those perplexed by the tireless forward motion of ICE—despite outrage, funerals, and the sort of historical comparisons that usually prompt solemn museum exhibits—have misdiagnosed the problem. The obstacle is not condemnation. Condemnation is plentiful.
The fuel is reward.
On The National Importance of Not Forgetting
There comes a moment in every republic when memory itself becomes a civic duty. We have reached that moment.
The American public, generous to a fault, has a remarkable talent for amnesia—especially when exhaustion sets in and the news cycle moves on. This is unfortunate because certain facts, once forgotten, have a nasty habit of reappearing in more dangerous forms.
Many Harsh Scenes & A Recalibration of Appearances
What Donald Trump doesn’t want to reveal is what people are seeing.” This is an important distinction. Policy is substance.
Optics can foul everything up.
The President is not disturbed by the act; he is disturbed by the review, by the American public, that the acts are receiving.
American Responsibility for Global Anxiety Management
This is our system. Our presidency. Our contribution to global stress.
The rest of the world does not receive a ballot. It receives consequences. Trade shocks. Energy chaos. Military recalculations. Parents in other countries now explain to their children why the news sounds tense again, because one elderly man in Washington feels the need to feel powerful before nighty-night.
On the Superior Value of Props Over Principles
It is a testament to modern leadership that the appearance of legitimacy has finally been liberated from the inconvenience of actually earning it. Donald Trump, ever the pragmatist, is reportedly content with a Nobel Peace Prize prop—despite everyone knowing it is not transferable—because the principles, after all, are far less photogenic than having your picture taken with a Nobel Peace Prize (that you have not earned).
This is ridiculous!
The Noble Art of Using The Presidential Finger
The true tragedy is not the gesture itself, but what it reveals: a shrinking idea of the office and a swelling belief that authority is best exercised through contempt.
The finger was not aimed merely at a heckler. It was aimed at the notion that power requires discipline.
Cowardice and Tyranny
We must recognize tyranny and call it what it is.
We must also remember that when tyranny comes it is also accompanied by hardship and poverty.
The Banana Republic of Tariffs
We were told the tariffs were about fairness. American workers would be protected from unfair competition, though no one could identify the American banana industry in need of rescue.
We were told the tariffs were about leverage, though the principal result was leverage applied to grocery bills.
Donald Trump Will Destroy You
Recent events concerning Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve, provide a useful illustration of how Donald Trump uses the DOJ when he feels insufficiently obeyed.
Must we all bow down to Donald Trump?
Morality and Oil Diplomacy
Who among us, after all, has not, in a moment of moral misplacement, desired to run another’s house for them?
Were it not for benevolence and kindness, some would maintain, how else could one ensure that a neighbor’s affairs remain consistent with one’s own comfort?
He Who Dies with the Most Oil Wins
For centuries, humanity labored under the burden of vague goals like “a good life” or “a just society.” Now, thanks to this elegant principle, meaning has been distilled into barrels. Crude, measurable, stackable barrels.
You can’t hug virtue, but you can store oil in underground caverns the size of small nations.
A Sensible Acquisition
The President has emphasized that he would prefer to acquire Greenland “nicely,” though he has also noted that there is another way.
It is comforting to know that kindness and respect remains an option.
The Proper Management of an Inconvenient Death
A Big Problem. . .
The deceased acquired an additional inconvenience: a name. Renee Nicole Good. A citizen. A wife. A mother. A poet.
None of these facts were operationally useful and should ideally have remained undisclosed. As many of us know human details (the details of a human life) complicates administrative clarity.
A Helpful Guide to Truth, Now Streamlined for Efficiency
Death In Minneapolis:
January 7, 2026
Blonde hair, blue eye, white Christian unarmed mother of 3, Renee Nicole Good was killed by an ICE agent in Minneapolis, today.
Please note that hate and inhumanity beget hate and inhumanity.
A New Day Has Dawned
The President did not merely raise tensions with Venezuela; he removed the country from the category of “foreign complication” and placed it neatly into “completed action.” Since this is now a completed action, he is very proud indeed.
The Illusion of Decisiveness
And so the Great Leader and his followers marched forward, confidently, decisively, and in no particular direction at all.
For with Donald Trump, decisiveness was never about choosing wisely. It was about choosing loudly—so that no one could hear the question quietly waiting underneath:
Is this actually working?
Tariffs, Trumpets, and the Music of Confusion
Donald Trump was inspired. In fact, he had a most glorious notion, this impulsive whim was conceived not in the dusty halls of learning nor among those afflicted with arithmetic or economic skills, but in the resonant chambers of self-proclaimed confidence.
The notion was this: that trade, being troublesome and full of numbers, might be better managed by sound.
The Playgound Bully, Gunships, and Jet Fighters
Every playground has one. The child who, upon discovering he has a slightly larger physique or a louder voice, decides that diplomacy is for the weak and that shoving is a form of leadership. History, (or some people), it seems, has not outgrown playground recess.