More Satire via The Blog of H. Jester Fieldstone
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Minorities Should Not Fight Alone
Minorities should never be abandoned to fight society’s injustices alone, because when only the vulnerable defend democracy, democracy itself becomes vulnerable.
MAGA Support for Donald Trump
I have friends who live here.
They are sick tired of Trump. They won’t mourn him when he’s gone. But they are also certain they will never vote Democrat—not because Trump’s behavior doesn’t bother them, but because the alternative has been rendered unthinkable.
Privilege and Obligation
Modern American culture often celebrates success as though it were purely individual. The self-made myth remains deeply embedded within American identity. Hard work certainly matters. Talent matters. Discipline matters.
Yet even the most accomplished individuals typically benefit from advantages that society itself helped provide.
Pericles and The Burden of Citizenship
In the world of MAGA, where identity can collapse into allegiance and allegiance into absolution, the voice of Pericles stands apart. Not as a partisan, not as a polemicist, but as a reminder of what democracy demands and what we need to be in order to avoid losing it.
Enter the Season of Loyal Disappointment
Historians will no doubt debate the cause of this restraint. Some will attribute it to discipline. Others to strategy. But those who have studied the matter closely understand the truth: it was fear. Not fear of failure, nor of incompetence, but fear of something far more dangerous.
A headline with Donald Trump looking bad, very bad.
The Octagon Doctrine of Donald Trump
On Saturday, April 11th, as delicate negotiations unfolded regarding Iran, the Strait of Hormuz, and the minor inconvenience of potential regional war, President Donald J. Trump attended a UFC match.
This was not, we are assured, a distraction. It was, rather, a demonstration of leadership—specifically, the kind that prefers its conflict contained within an octagon, preferably with ticket sales.
JD Vance Kushner and Witkoff
The United States, with admirable confidence, has announced that it has “completely halted” Iran’s seaborne trade. Iran, in turn, has responded by threatening to make seaborne trade an increasingly theoretical concept for everyone else.
This, we are assured, is progress.
Todd Blanche Loves Donald Trump
He swore to the Constitution as every AG must,
He then turned from fair and just to loyalty and trust.
Command me, sir, he said with eager love and affection,
And law took leave without objection.
An Evening of Convenient Apocalypse
The latest proclamation of our President, Donald Trump, delivered with all the subtlety of a town crier who has misplaced both his crier bell and his judgment, assures us that “a whole civilization will die tonight.”
Easter Expletives by Donald Trump
This past holy day, President Donald J. Trump delivered what scholars will surely come to recognize as a new literary form: the Apocalyptic Social Media Proclamation.
It was a work of great theological ambition, combining threats of military action, bursts of expletive enthusiasm, and an interfaith flourish that concluded—most ecumenically—with “Praise be to Allah.”
Poor Pam Bondi
There was once, in a most excellent republic, a modest institution known as the Department of Justice. Its purpose, as written in old and rather dusty texts, was to pursue the law without fear or favor.
This was, of course, a charming idea—like powdered wigs or the notion that facts might stand upright on their own without being steadied by a firm and helpful hand.
A Prayer from The Pentagon Pulpit
Pentagone Lethality Prayer – Pete HegsetLast week, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth offered such a prayer, asking the American people to bow their heads, bend their knees, and presumably suspend their questions.
He invoked divine blessing upon the troops and encouraged prayer “in the name of Jesus Christ,” thereby ensuring that the Almighty was properly looped into the chain of command.
The $200 Billion “Little Excursion”
Somewhere in Washington, a spreadsheet quietly updates itself to reflect the cost of this “little excursion,” adding another few billion dollars while no one is looking.
The truly remarkable feature of this moment is not the cost itself, but the casual tone in which it is discussed.
Two hundred billion dollars.
Skeletal Intuition
There are many ways to run a war.
There is the traditional model—briefings, intelligence, strategy, alliances, logistics, maps with arrows, people who have read books.
And then there is the Trump model.
This one involves vibes.
Operation Epic Fury (Or, The Little Excursion)
This, apparently, is the official branding for Donald Trump’s latest international adventure: a war he previously described, with his usual historical precision, as “a little excursion.”
Emperor Trump Demands Surrender
It takes a rare mind to look at the tangled geopolitics of the Middle East and conclude that the solution is simply shouting “you lose” at a country of ninety million people.
Historians will study this moment carefully.
The Sound of One Tough Guy Not Tweeting
Once upon a time, Vance was supposed to be the intellectual ballast. He was the nationalist realist, the man who would guard the gates against neocon nostalgia. He was cast as a populist Dick Cheney in reverse: not the architect of invasion, but the firewall against it.
Day 1461 of the Three-Day War
We are now on Day 1461 of Vladimir Putin’s three-day war.
Three days. It is worth repeating.
That was the Russian swagger. That was the muscle-flex. Kyiv would fold. Ukraine would faint. Tanks would roll through Ukraine like a victory parade. Western analysts — intoxicated by years of recycled propaganda about Russian might — nodded gravely and agreed.
Trump Tariffs and the Magical Thinking of Economic Nationalism
In the real world, trade policy is a delicate matter involving supply chains, comparative advantages, development strategy, long-term investment, and the tedious complexity of global interconnection.
In Trump’s world, tariffs are a vending machine for patriotism.
Insert coin. Receive factory.
Trump Was Never the Point
Trump was never the real engine that created MAGA.
He was the one who provided cover and permission to reveal the MAGA sickness of our society.
The Spell of Trump Has Been Broken
In ancient fables, there is always a sorcerer who believes the kingdom trembles because of his power, when in fact it trembles because no one has yet dared to laugh. The enchantment holds not by magic, but by obedience. And once a single peasant snickers, the whole illusion collapses like stage smoke.
Such appears to be the present condition of Washington under Donald Trump.
Bondi, The Face of the Cover-Up
Ah yes. Nothing says “nothing to see here” quite like a redacted email about your relationship with Jeffrey Epstein.
A Threat To Western Civilization
History will record that Rome fell, empires collapsed, and somewhere in Florida a former president warned that Beijing’s first act of Canadian domination would be to outlaw hockey and the Stanley Cup.
The Banality of Buffoonery
We have reached a point where the most remarkable thing about high office is not corruption, but incompetence wrapped in arrogance.
The buffoon does not fear exposure, because exposure changes nothing.
Superbowl 60
The NFL did not regulate football because it hates competition. It regulated football so competition could exist at all. America once did the same with capitalism—and it worked. Then we handed the rulebook to the owners, fired the referees, and told the players to be grateful.
What Just Happened
Once the results came in, Trump demonstrated admirable consistency by distancing himself from the race he had discovered earlier that same day. The defeat, you see, was not national, ideological, or symbolic.
It was merely “local.” Much like inflation, crime statistics, and court rulings, elections only count when they flatter him.
Governance as Performance Art
The Cabinet Room has never looked better. The economy has never been stronger. Crime has never been lower. Borders have never been tighter. Wars have been snuffed like birthday candles.
Drug prices have fallen by five, six, seven, eight hundred percent—depending on which arithmetic universe one happens to occupy.
Melania, An American Tragedy in One Act
Donald Trump hates immigrants. This is not a controversial statement; it is a brand pillar. It has been chanted, legislated and, televised. It has been made into signs that state “Mass Deportations Now”, and embroidered onto red hats.
Now, having spent years warning the nation that immigrants are a menace to civilization—he now wishes us to gather politely in darkened theaters to watch a loving cinematic portrait of one.
NATO is Not the United States Plus 31
For as every sensible alliance knows: a union that survives only so long as its loudest member remains in a good mood is not a union at all—it is a performance.
And performances, however grand, have a way of ending abruptly when the star storms offstage.
Council Held by the House of Tesla
The Lords of Wall Street assembled—by telephone rather than torchlight—to hear from the House of Tesla, whose founder and High Visionary, Elon of Musk, addressed them with the calm confidence of a man explaining why gravity is optional if one believes hard enough.