July 8, 2026
At this week’s NATO summit, President Donald Trump reminded the world that American foreign policy remains one misplaced acronym away from becoming a carnival ride with footnotes and nuclear weapons.
There he was, seated beside Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, explaining global affairs with the confidence of a man who has never allowed geography, diplomacy, or the names of people sitting next to him to slow him down. Zelensky, according to Trump, was briefly “President Putin,” which must have been surprising to Zelensky, Putin, NATO, Ukraine, Russia, and every person in the room.
Then came the “Islamic Republic of Japan,” a bold new geopolitical innovation in which Iran and Japan were merged into one superpower by a Donald Trump executive ramble. Somewhere, a State Department intern likely began Googling whether Mount Fuji had enriched uranium.
Not content to stop there, Trump also converted the JCPOA into the “JCPOC,” proving once again that Obama’s Iran nuclear deal was never truly safe from the greatest threat of all: some refer to as alphabet drift.
And then there was “Tic Tac.” Trump announced that he was number one on Tic Tac, a claim that raised questions. Is Tic Tac a social media platform? A breath mint? A cabinet-level agency? A new branch of government? In Trump’s America, anything is possible. By Friday, Commerce may be regulating spearmint influencers.
The best part, of course, is the hypocrisy buffet. For years, Republicans treated every Biden stumble like a constitutional crisis wearing orthopedic shoes and hearing aids. One flub, and cable news needed smelling salts. One pause, and America was informed that civilization had entered hospice care. But when Trump mistakes Zelensky for Putin, Iran for Japan, TikTok for breath candy, and a nuclear accord for alphabet soup, we are told this is “strength” and perhaps closely related to the art of the deal.
Naturally, the White House insists the president is in excellent health. Trump himself continues to brag about acing cognitive tests, which is a little like boasting that the smoke detector successfully detected smoke after the kitchen burned down.
The real issue is not one verbal mistake. Everyone misspeaks. The issue is the political machine built around pretending that Trump’s mistakes are genius, Biden’s mistakes were doom, and reality itself is fake news unless it is wearing a red hat and chanting approval.
At NATO, America did not project strength so much as improvise it. The world watched. Zelensky smiled. Rubio translated. And somewhere, Tic Tac waited for its nomination to the National Security Council.
