A Modest Proposal for the Lubricated Afterlife There are many philosophies by which a person may choose to live. Some preach virtue. Others promote happiness, mindfulness, or service to one’s fellow travelers on this wonderful planet. But none are quite as...
Commendable frankness, that the United States must acquire Greenland. It has lately been announced, with commendable frankness, that the United States must acquire Greenland. This necessity arises not from desire, ambition, or appetite. Such vulgar motives are...
By nightfall in Minneapolis on January 7th, order had already been restored. The federal government, efficient as ever, supplied the necessary explanation before confusion could take root. It was clear, an ICE officer had acted in self-defense. A violent individual...
A Tragic Death In Minneapolis: January 7, 2026 In moments of national discomfort—such as the problematic and tragic death of one of our citizens—it is vital that order be restored. Swiftly restoring order is highly valuable. Facts, after all, are slow creatures. Facts...
Morning in the age of action, unencumbered by structure, thoughtful planning, and courage undiluted by consequence. Good morning. One hopes the coffee has been prepared for extra strength, for the Republic has awakened to discover itself engaged in several...
The greatly celebrated Donald Trump was so intensely admired for being decisive. It mattered little what decision was made, so long as it arrived swiftly, loudly, and with a finger pointed at someone else—usually one of his predecessors. Hesitation was considered a... 
