Baby Trump Did Not Get His Trophy It is a truth universally acknowledged—at least by one man with a permanent marker and a clear grievance—that peace is best preserved when awarded with medals, and that any peace not accompanied by applause is, by definition,...
The Confusion Of The Oil Barrons It is a truth universally acknowledged, though rarely admitted aloud, that men who purchase presidents expect a certain courtesy in return. Not affection, perhaps, but at least the dignity of being consulted before their investment is...
Donald Trump’s Oh-So-Slippery Tariffs There was a time when bananas were simple. They arrived quietly, ripened obediently, and asked nothing of the consumer beyond a modest place on the counter. Under Donald Trump’s stewardship of trade policy, however, even the...
Moral Clarity, Enlightened Times, and Oil Diplomacy In these enlightened times, there arises a most efficient method by which a great nation may demonstrate its virtue: by acting first and apologizing never. Our latest example of this enlightened practice concerns the...
A Modest Proposal for the Lubricated Afterlife There are many philosophies by which a person may choose to live. Some preach virtue. Others promote happiness, mindfulness, or service to one’s fellow travelers on this wonderful planet. But none are quite as...
Commendable frankness, that the United States must acquire Greenland. It has lately been announced, with commendable frankness, that the United States must acquire Greenland. This necessity arises not from desire, ambition, or appetite. Such vulgar motives are... 
